If you’re wondering why your voice is getting lost in the crowd, well, this just means you’ll have to step it up a bit. Here’s how to be assertive.
I had an issue with assertiveness when I was in high school. Maybe it was because I was insecure and terrified of being judged. However, I learned the hard way that if you don’t speak up, no one will do it for you.
How to be assertive – 17 tips to find your voice……
With anything, it’s a work in progress. Of course, everything’s a lot easier when you know what you should work on. Trust me, it took me a lot longer than it needed… I really wish I had goggled it. But, you’re on here, so you’re one step ahead of the game. There’s a fine line between being assertive and aggressive, it’s all about balance.
1….. Accept it.
You’re going to have to accept the fact that you’re not assertive. If you’re reading this, you already have a feeling that you need some help. However, now it’s time for you full-out accept it. You’re not assertive. It’s cool, but now you can start to change.
2….. Baby steps.
Don’t go trying to achieve all these big goals at once, because they’re going to overwhelm you. You need to start with baby steps.So, start with small goals. It can be as simple as starting to say “no” when you don’t want to do something. You probably don’t think that’s hard, but trust me, these small goals can be quite challenging.
3…. Say no.
When learning how to be assertive, this is step number one. I had a really hard time saying no. In fact, I did a lot of shit and wasted a lot of hours just because I couldn’t say no. This step may actually be the hardest one. Why?
4… Don’t you dare feel guilty?
If you say no to something, don’t feel guilty. You didn’t want to do it, so why would you feel bad about it? Listen, you not wanting to go out for dinner are not bringing immense pain to anyone. They will find someone else to go to dinner with them. They will live.
5….. Express your wants and needs.
If you want to know how to be assertive, people need to know what you want and what you need. If you’re in an unsatisfying relationship, have you told your partner what your needs and wants are? People cannot read your mind, so don’t expect them to know what you want.
6….. Talk about your feelings.
This is another huge issue with people who aren’t assertive. No one knows how you feel because you’re “okay” with everything. No! That’s not how the world works. I know you’re not happy about having to go to your friend’s Pyramid-scheme meeting. However, she didn’t how you felt, so enjoy sitting there for two hours.
7… You have to be honest.
Honesty really is the best policy, and it’s necessary if you want to know how to be assertive. You need to be honest, not just with the people around you, but with yourself.Actually, start off by being honest with yourself, and then everything else will fall into place. If you’re not honest with yourself, you won’t be able to be assertive.
8…. It’s okay to disagree.
Not everyone is going to like you. This is what I had an issue accepting when I was trying to be assertive. Really, I wanted everyone to like me. But listen, it’s just not going to happen, and it’s for the best. Imagine if everyone liked you? Gross.
9… Stay calm.
There’s a line between being assertive and sounding like an angry, possessive, asshole. You need to know the difference. Stating your feelings and needs is one thing, yelling them and forcing them on others is a different thing. Don’t do the latter. You’re not trying to get people on your side; you’re simply trying to let people know where you stand.
10….. Conflict resolution.
Assertive people don’t start throwing punches when they don’t get their way. It’s about compromising and using conflict resolution as a way to get through arguments and group issues. This is what makes you a leader as opposed to someone who uses fear to resolve conflict.
11… Look at your body language. You should try standing in front of the mirror and see how you use your body in conversation. Are you positioned aggressively? You may not be verbally aggressive, however, your body language could be giving off completely different vibes. You don’t want that, so try to get them in sync.
12…. Use the word “I.”
You probably think this sounds narcissistic, but it isn’t. Use the word “I” when you’re talking about yourself. “I need___” or “I want___.” It’s about you, right? So, starting talking like it’s about you. Using “I language” is a necessary part of learning how to be assertive.
13…. Patience is a virtue.
This is going to take a while. Sorry to break the news, but Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? You’re going to have your ups and downs with this, so it’s important to be patient and calm. You’re going to get to where you need to be… eventually.
14… Set boundaries.
Set boundaries for yourself. What kind of behavior do you accept, and what don’t you accept? That way, you’re not wavering when you’re encountering people and certain situations. You know what flies and what doesn’t – and that’s it.
15….. Know when you screwed up.
You’re going to make mistakes. If you haven’t made any by now, well, you need a reality check. You need to take responsibility when you screw up. That’s what mature, well-rounded people do. They know when they screwed up and they admit it. You’re not going to get shot by being honest. In fact, people appreciate those who just accept the faults in their actions.
16…. You cannot control people.
Being assertive is about letting other people hear your thoughts and views; however, it’s not about you shoving your opinions down other people’s throats hoping to change them. This isn’t about them, it’s about you. So just focus on yourself. The only person you can control is you.
17…. Pick your battles. Have you ever talked to someone who argues with every little thing you say? If you have, you probably don’t hang out with them anymore. It’s annoying. It’s like watching a pit bull that won’t let go of his prey.Pick your battles. It’s important to have boundaries, however, if those boundaries are crossed, decide how you’re going to deal with it. You probably don’t need to have a full-blown fight every time.
Ladies, this is a common thing! Men sending dick selfish. But why do they do it? What do they get out of it? And should we even respond?
It’s not a secret, everyone sends nude picks. You could be a mom of three or single, and you still, at some point, sent nude picks. However, it’s different than when a guy sends dick selfish. Women do it because men are visual. It gives ladies a chance to explore their own sensuality, but what about men? Why do they do it? Despite their rugged exteriors, manliness, and overall lack of sharing feelings comfortably, men still need to feel wanted by someone, just like women. They want to feel capable of arousing someone, but also desire a sense of validation.
Much the same way women feel good when complimented on their size or bust size, men feel great when they get complimented on their dick size.
Dick selfish and what they mean
Of course, there are more reasons. Let’s consider all the angles, and how to respond to the guys who send them to you.
1…. they’re horny.
They think looking at it turns you on. Either go along with it if you feel like having fun, or ignore it if he’s bad news. You know the thing men do when they stand directly in front of you, naked; thinking a dick in your face during Renews turns you on? This is the indirect equivalent. He seriously thinks it gets you to play along, either by sending nudes or having phone sex. At the very least, sexing, for sure. If he’s your boyfriend, or just someone you want to have fun with *hopefully you’ve made that clear, and it’s a mutual thing*, then go right ahead. Consider it a funny way to spark things, even if the picture really doesn’t do anything for you *see #2*.If he’s bad news, delete the picture, and block the guy, otherwise he won’t leave you alone. And don’t show your girlfriends and make a joke out of the guy. Be a lady.
2….. They think you work the same way as them.
He thinks you’ll use it to masturbate. Since it’s meant in good faith, go ahead and thank and compliment him, even if you don’t use it *you won’t*. Moment of truth ladies, a man could have the nicest penis in the world, but chances are it does nothing for you in image form *differs by girl, but this is the most common reaction*.Unless it’s there, in the room with you, and attached to the right guy, you probably could care less if he dressed it up in a tuxedo and sent you a picture of it. In male world, this means he wants you to have a good time, using the little *no pun intended* gem he sent.If he’s a good guy, your boyfriend maybe, thank him, compliment him, and send something sexy back. Even if you don’t use it, he doesn’t have to know. Plus, just get off to him getting off to you.
3… No, really, the whole size thing is a big thing.
React to his size the same way you’d like people to react to your breast size. Yes, even if it isn’t big at all. Some men, usually younger men *teenagers, young adults, men with little-to-no experience, or even older men with baggage* tend to be insecure about their dick size. Yes, men experience body issues, much like women, but they don’t show that to the world at large.
4…. He wants to take your relationship to the next level and bares himself.
So, you see what he has “to offer.” Of course, this is the wrong way to do it. They probably aren’t in it for the long haul, so keep this in mind. This is the typical sleazy, fraternity guy. Oh, he’s done with college? No, he isn’t–not mentally. He still very much tries to get you, and those other five girls he sent the same exact picture to, to sleep with him. He isn’t a quality guy, made clear by the fact prior to this; he showed no indication of really “getting serious.” A gentleman treats you like the princess you are, holds off on the sexy time until you allow it to get to that point. Now, if you saw no signs of seriousness, and led him on, then you got these pictures because you made it seem like you were his female equivalent. Either joins in on the “fun” knowing all this very well is true, or just ignores him. If he persists, block him and hope you didn’t tell him where you work. Chances are, even if you did, he either doesn’t remember, or doesn’t care, since he’s got roughly five to seven girls he’s messing around with.
5….. You’re in a long-distance relationship, and he’s looking for a way to keep the fire alive.
If this is the case, please your man! Send some nude picks back. This is one of those silly, sweet things that not every relationship experiences. For couples who live in the same general area, sending nudes and sexing is one of those things that you either never do, because you’re older or prefer the real thing, or you do it when you’re in the early stages of the relationship. It fizzles out. Later on you get to do it how you want, whenever you want, wherever *within reason* you want, and those pictures do nothing for you anymore. But for those who live far away from their partners, this is ideal to keep your sex life as intact as possible.Hot pictures, sexing, dirty phone calls, and Skye calls are long distance relationship savers. If this is your situation, please your man, send some back, get nasty!
6….. Trying to spice things up.
Keep it going and see what happens! It could also be for people who simply want to spice things up for no reason other than they feel like it. Or the couples who have been together for years, and simply haven’t kept that passionate, sexual fire lit as well as they could have.Whatever the reason, it’s possible the guy wants to liven things up a bit, and enjoy some quality time being naughty with you. Keep it going, see what happens! At some point, he could say some pretty amazing things if you say the right words.
7…. He is reciprocating from your nude picks.
This is him being a gentleman, so be a lady and thank him. If you sent the man some gorgeous pictures of yourself, then he obviously enjoyed them. He’s sending you some back! This is him being grateful and showing he likes you too. Keep things going, say something dirty, ask for something specific, or let him ask for something specific. This isn’t a losing situation, since you sent the pictures first, and he clearly loved it.
8…. You asked for it.
If you do like it, then you’ll know how to respond, but if you don’t, then stop asking for the dick picks. If you read point two, most women don’t actually get off by a penis picture. Unlike men, women aren’t as visual, but rather, we need to be in the right frame of mind *dirty thoughts*. A man who talks dirty to us, and looks at us with lustful eyes is more likely to get laid than a man who sends the dick sulfide with a winking emboli.
9…. They want to flaunt it to you, and whoever else they can manage.
Delete the dick selfish and block the guy. Unlike guy number four, this guy didn’t so much as do anything that indicated friendship or even entertainment. This particular guy is the one who doesn’t care to even talk to you again, doesn’t care if you don’t sleep with him, doesn’t care about anything, because he “knows” he’s got an “amazing” dick, and simply wants to show it off.This is the equivalent of the girls that show way too much skin on purpose, because they think they’re capable of getting anything and anyone they want.
10… He’s done it in every other relationship before.
Or he’s inexperienced, and thinks that’s also what he has to do. What men don’t realize, and what’s been said twice in this feature already, is those words get a woman wet, but dick selfish generally don’t. If the guy is super inexperienced, he might think this is what needs to be done. If he’s had experience, but he’s been with girls who wanted dick pictures, or girls that never directed him accordingly, then he’s going to assume you want to get dick pictures.
Despite the welcome sight of a man’s dick if you’re about to get hot and heavy, it’s not all that exciting to see over a text. Dick selfish and penis pictures do less for a woman, generally, than words will, especially if they get really detailed.
Take any Indian advertisement in India, and the sheer misogyny and objectification of women will scream at you from a distance. Whether it’s an advertisement for a deodorant or one for a fruity beverage starring a popular Hollywood actress, women are blatantly portrayed as sex objects. Think more on the terms of double entendres and sexism! And now a women’s group in GAO has objected to a condom advertisement featuring Sunny Leone over objectification of the female body. The women’s group, Ranaragini, which is a wing of the Hindu Janajagruti Semite, has petitioned the GAO State Women’s Commission. They said that the advertising campaign in public places objectifying the feminine gender was proving embarrassing to women.” A different message is conveyed on account of this. This is a very ugly scene. We have received complaints about this from many women. We, hereby, kindly request you to remove these pictures,” the petition read. Nihau Guevara, who’s a member of the group, later spoke to reporters and said that the ads featuring Leone affixed on the state transport buses were objectionable and needed immediate removal. “Why should a government concern have such ads on them,” she said. She also asserted that the organization had no objection to contraceptive ads, but only to the objectification of women in such advertisements.GAO State Women’s Commission has issued notice in connection with the matter and its chairperson Vida Sheet Tonawanda has said that the matter will be probed.
We wonder when ad makers will actually realize that women are not props, or the fact that it’s actually possible to sell products without using sexist advertising tropes. What is this obsession with a woman’s body? Someone please enlighten us.
Being a woman is not easy. Not easy at all. We are belittled for a plethora of reasons every day. Be it for wearing a simple, harmless garment like jeans to laughing too loud, the society is quick to show us our place.While men who rape and molest women are let off easily because they have a d**k, it is the victim who is blamed for wearing a skirt, stepping out of her house late in the evening, and having a vagina. So, basically it’s always the woman’s fault. Ladies, it’s not the just the world, who is harsh and cruel to us, it’s biology in general. And we have proof.
Aunty Flow Is a Boon And a Bane…..
Yes, periods are a normal part of every woman’s life. And that’s the catch. Only women. Men don’t menstruate because biologically they can’t get pregnant. The nature has not provided them with ovaries, a uterus, and eggs that end up on a sanitary pad every month.But, it’s not just the menstrual cycle we are complaining about. Along with it comes premenstrual syndrome (PMS), which leads to acne, cramps, headaches, fatigue, and mood swings. Now, imagine being called a moody b***h, when it’s actually your hormones who are to be blamed.
First-Time Sex Is Painful For Women…..
Don’t let novels and films fool you into believing that a million stars explode when you have sex for the first time. It is shit painful. Men feel a little bit of discomfort too–mostly because their skin stretches too. But the ordeal that women go through is something else. After all, men don’t have to take in a hard piece of flesh and a good pounding.
That Damn Virginity Test….
Now, this is totally unfair. There are tests that can find out if a woman is a virgin or not, but there is no such ground-breaking test for men. You don’t even need to go to a hospital to find out the truth. A broken hymen is proof enough. In fact, families in India end marriages over this trivial issue.
Women Are More Prone To STDs. Thank You Vagina…….
Courtesy of the female anatomy, women are more at the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. You see, our genitals are thinner and more delicate than male organs. Also, not to forget that the lady part down there has an opening that leads to a genital tract. This entry gives easy access to bacteria and viruses to proceed inside. And what do you get?
Pregnancy And Everything That Comes Along With It………..
Women are child bearers. They give birth to new life. The idealism is heart-touching. But, all the poets talking about the beauty of conceiving don’t know the horrors every pregnant woman has to go through.Apart from a bloated tummy, nausea, the need to pee frequently, constipation, and extreme cramps are an every day occurrence during pregnancies. And trust us, the pregnancy glow people keep talking about–that’s just a dream.
Boobs. Why do Women Need Them?…..
The sole reason why women have been bestowed with circular mounds of flesh is because they are biologically crafted to breastfeed. Yup, they are not just there for show.Not only women have to cage them in a bra for support all through their lives–which is very uncomfortable by the way–they also have to pay the price of having mammary glands. Did you know that women end up in severe pain while lactating if for some reason they can’t breastfeed? Not to forget the fever they find themselves in.
But, men they have no such troubles plaguing their lives.
Still confused about what thin privilege means? Here’s the skinny on what being thin means in society and some examples of thin privilege. Have you ever felt like you were given more or less opportunities in life based on the way you look? If so, you’re not alone. The internet is abuzz with the opinion that skinny girls are getting away with far too much based on their weight, whereas their fuller-figured counterparts are getting the bad end of the deal. This buzzword is called thin privilege. If you’re not yet aware of the social media phenomenon that is thin privilege *or should I say social media phenomenon*, then prepare to be enlightened. The term thin privilege refers to the privileges thin people receive in society strictly based on their size. The website, “This Is Thin Privilege,” refers to it in this quote: “Lowest difficult setting of body size.”
Odds are that nobody is going to come up and slam you for your choice in groceries if you are thin. Whether your cart is filled with green veggies and hummus, or bags of chips and soda, the likelihood is absolutely miniscule that anyone is paying attention to what’s in your grocery cart.
Opposite of this, reports abound of overweight individuals innocently minding their own business at the grocery store when immature patrons come up and look through their carts. The goal? To fish out unhealthy snacks and food items to ridicule them with. Rude, much? The argument here is that no one will ever look at a thin person and make assumptions about how unhealthy they are based on weight. Peoplewigenerally assume that thinner people take care of their bodies, exercise, and eat right. I do not find this rumor to be true, and have witnessed many thin people being ridiculed for their small size and told that they are unhealthy because of their appearance. Granted, heavier people most definitely have it worse in this department. Having things thrown at you, your health status assumed, being called out publicly, and having who you are as a person completely disregarded because of a person’s weight, is wrong and disgusting on so many levels. The fight against fat-shaming and thin privilege rages on over the internet. Skinnier girls argue that #honormycurves is offensive to naturally-born thin women; while bigger girls argue that skinnier girls don’t know what real offense feels like. I assure you, thin privilege exists, but that doesn’t mean thin-shaming doesn’t. Can we all just agree that nobody should be mocked or made to feel bad about them based on their appearance? Body shaming goes both ways.